Goodbye To A Decade. Hello 2020!

WOW. Here we are.

First off, a goodbye to the 2010’s. A decade of ENORMOUS growth.

Thinking back to the 15 year old mess that I was in 2010, makes me one proud B!tc# for where I am now. Thinking back on it all, there’s not a thing I would change- Except maybe choosing my first car, solely on the fact that I thought it was cute. That decision really bit me in the ass. While I’ve learned a lot about making mistakes, I’ve also learned a lot about so many other things: (Oh boy, here comes a list! JK, it’s only three things… No promises for later though.) Things like never giving up until I reach my goals, experiencing life’s joys, even when they scare me, and the importance of the people you surround yourself with.

NOT EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT. (This isn’t some Influencer’s Instagram feed.)

There’s been some bumpy roads, some speed bumps, a few pot holes, and some red lights that were ran. Drove off a cliff once, or twice, and made WAY TO MANY driving analogies. I started off the decade as one mess of a 15 year old. I was lost, I had been hurt, I was arrogant, and defensive. I never felt understood, which caused a loss of enthusiasm, and when I lost it, I just pretended to have it. I spent a lot of time pretending. I didn’t love myself, but only because I didn’t know how, nor did I understand how important it was to have love, so I could give it.

My saving grace was having someone who knew me enough to call me out when I was pretending too hard. He had taught me my first lessons on love, strength, and heartbreak, but over all, loyalty in friendship. In 2010, we lost him in an accident. Grief is devastating. It left me with anger, confusion, and depression, and in search for anything that would make me forget what I was feeling. So many unexpected obstacles. Like I said, I did a lot of growing in this decade.

BUT MAN, DID I DO A LOT OF LIVING!

Saw a lot of places, met a lot of people, made a lot of friendships. Never missed a plane, but I did jump out of one. I loved some people, and left some people. Caught a guitar pick in a crowd, and lost my voice at many concerts. I learned to drive in a South Dakota winter, and my friends and I survived it. I bought my own car, and paid it off. I gave quite a few tattoos, and sold some wire wrapped stones on the internet. I made many road trips; even one completely by myself. I grieved, and I healed, and then I did it over and over again. I made tons of lists (hi, welcome back).

I started to love myself FOR all the weird little things that I thought no one understood me for. When I stopped holding myself back, I became happy. I started to seek out other things that would make me happy, and I ended up moving halfway across the country, to Washington. I’ve been working and developing leadership skills I never knew I had, out here, and it’s pretty cool. I don’t know if any of these places, and things will keep me happy forever, but I am happy now, and that’s a lot better than ten years ago. So here’s to the 2010’s for breaking me down, so I could build myself up stronger.