Weddings And Why You Shouldn't Hold Your Breath For Mine.
Despite the title, I actually enjoy weddings. I like the excitement. I like the romance. I like seeing all the important people in one space, and reconnecting with old friends. I like the decorations, and the chaos that ensues when placing the final touches. I like any reason to dress up. I like watching the couple stumble over their vows. I love how every little mishap creates a memory, and a unique story for the couple... let's face it, perfect weddings are boring weddings. Oh, and you know how I love pictures! I like how I'm unintentionally making a list right now, without the means to. Guys, I think I have a problem. Let's move on.
You know what I hate? When other people's choices are pushed onto you. You may be thinking, "What does that have to do with weddings?", well hold on a sec, and I'll tell you.
It all started back 2009, at my sister’s wedding. At the time, my closest friend, here in Washington, was literally sixteen and pregnant. Not saying that is the worst thing that could ever happen, far worse is possible, and just to add in, that little boy is just as much a blessing to the world as any other baby. That being said, I will never forget how absolutely furious I was when I overheard someone comment- to my father- “Wow, wonder how long until that’s Danni, she’s next you know?” I don’t think I’ve ever been so mad at something someone said about me behind my back. How dare this stranger to me, have the audacity to make such a life changing assumption about my future. To my father. With such a snotty attitude. I believe there is still a note on my Facebook addressing this, and it’s titled “Ain’t Gonna Happen!”. That’s all I’ll say on the subject, although I could really get into it. Lets keep moving on..
Over the years since then, I have encountered many more… let’s just call them “pushy/judgey questions”. “Oh, you’re not graduating this year?”, “Have you moved out yet?”, “When are you having kids?”. Blah, blah, blah. As I’ve gotten older, and my friends have all started getting married, and engaged, typically the questions about kids and marriage, have only gotten pushier. It’s pretty normal, I know, but it’s also a little annoying. During the first wedding that I attended this year, someone actually made a comment to me that pissed me of in so many ways. She should thank her lucky little stars that I am actually well-mannered in person, and know how to choose my battles. “OH NO! Your boyfriend needs to learn to drive, you can’t have someone who has to walk to the store to get you diapers, when you have a baby at home.” Just for fun, here’s what I wanted to say. First of all, Mrs. Entitled, who are you to tell me what I can and can’t have in my life? Second, she had never even met my boyfriend, and by the way since you’re so concerned, he’s been doing just fine for his ENTIRE LIFE, just walking everywhere. Third, walking is good for you, so don’t act like it’s such a tragedy. AND LASTLY, who in the absolute entirety of existence ever said that I was going to be having any babies, anytime in the near future. No one who knows me well enough, that’s who. Advice is fine, but don’t expect that your choices, and what you would want in life, will be the same for me.
“So, if you love going to weddings, then why are you so adamant about not getting married?” It’s not that I don’t plan on ever getting married and having my own little kiddos, It’s just that I am not ready. I like to take my time. There are other things that I am more worried about. I like to be overly sure, before making big decisions. Also, I’m still a kid- yes, I know I’m 24, but seriously, I am not even old enough to rent a car. So, here’s where I would like to throw a little terminology lesson your way.
The Law Of Diminishing Return, and what that means to me:
The Law of Diminishing Return: used to refer to a point at which the level of profits, or benefits gained, is less than the amount of money, or energy invested.
It’s an economic term, but it’s been used in other forms, and I take it as a great piece of advice on relationships. It could be used at any point in a relationship, but I think it’s most important in the beginning- the best part. Basically, every little thing you do (like the first time you hold hands, to the first time you stay the night, to the first time you move in together), all of those things, and the little things in between, hold a lot of value. Whereas, if you just hurry up and move in, and then get married and start a family, within one year, then all of the little things before that loose value, because it’s no longer thrilling to make that incremental increase. If you start at square one, then everything you do is monumental. Like your first kiss, and how terrifying, and exciting that is all at the same time, or how after a first date, you go home and end up spending all night going over the whole thing in your head. All the firsts, and how they move you- AND how they add to your story. None of the small details are going to shake up your world, if you’ve already decided to get the big stuff over with.
So there, that’s why I’m not married yet, and why you shouldn’t hold your breath for it. I’m doing great without it. Just enjoying all the little things, and throwing mini parties in my head for every little milestone.
I move at my own pace, and you can move at yours.
xoxo, Tortoise.