Shit My Dad Says.

I like to spend a lot of time with my dad and his friends  (my un-biological Family). I’ve been doing it my whole life. A few of these people have told me I should write a book about my dad and I, to which I have jokingly replied, “Yeah, I’ll name it: Shit My Dad Says”. Although this is actually already the title of a book, I thought I’d make my own little version anyways. Here are 10 things that my dad says that I’ll never forget.

1. After saying something inappropriate in front of me: “Wow, when did you get here?!”

2. When I tell him I will do something: “Yeah right! You’re my kid, I know your going to procrastinate, that what I would do!” 

3. When describing me as a teenager: “Yeah, she was a bitch!” 

4. Overhearing me ask for a tampon for the first time: “Oh no! Gross! I don’t want to know she’s wearing a cork!” 

5. Upon getting excited about having the latest technology... or anything really: “Fuck yeah, motherfucker!” Or “Look what I can do!”  (In Stewart from Mad TV’s voice)

6. When my friend who is a guy, brings me home 5 minutes late:  *points scope target lazer at his head from the garage  , and yells...*  “YOU’RE LATE!!”

7. His nickname for my Vietnamese boyfriend since 11 years ago when we met: “Ping-Pong.”  Nickname for his girlfriend: “Ding-Dong.”

8. When I know all the answers to “who is this song by?”, when it’s rock/hair bands/heavy metal/ metal: “That’s my kid!”

9. At every different career choice I have changed my mind to:  “Oh yeah, I could see you doing something like that.” * proceeds to google information about the field, and colleges* 

Last, but certainly not least! 

10. Favorite piece of life advice to give me since before I can remember:  “Do as I say, not as I do!” 

I love you, Dad!!