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I am not cool, collected, or calm. I am weird, terrified, and unsure. But, if there's one thing I know, it's this: The world is CRAZY, life is incredibly SILLY, and I'M STUCK ON THIS ROLLER-COASTER  AND I CAN’T GET OFF! (but I'm okay with it.)

Making Mistakes 101.

Making Mistakes 101.

The sound was loud, unmistakable, shattering. I knew the second I leaped in the air, my arm stretched out above me, that I had put to much force behind both my jump, and my swing. I wanted to take it back, but it was too late. Half of my step-sister’s window shattered. The pieces fell into the grass, as my “fight or flight” defenses kicked in. FLIGHT. RUN. I was gone before I could even process what had happened, dragging my best friend behind me. We ran until my trailer was out of sight. “I swear, I didn’t even hit it that hard!”, I exclaimed, as if she hadn’t just watched the entire thing unfold, as if she were part of a jury that was about to find me guilty, or worse, as if she were my mother.. Usually, when I came home to a locked door, I would knock on my sister’s bedroom window, and then she would let me in. That had been the plan. Sometimes, plans don’t work out. I denied it was me, when questioned about the broken window; to afraid to own up to my mistake. I don’t think I ever admitted to it until now, actually. Sammy knew though, she told me she had seen me run- aren’t sisters a beautiful thing?

I’ve made a lot of mistakes. In 25 years, there’s a lot of time for that. The neighborhood girl you shouldn’t have fought, the fit you shouldn’t have thrown, the boy you shouldn’t have spent your time on, the homework you should have done, the friend you shouldn’t have trusted, the money you should have saved, the words you shouldn’t have said…. and the words you should have. It’s easy to have regrets when things don’t work out the way you had hoped, but really, you shouldn’t. Mistakes are scary because they lead to failures, and no one wants that on their record, but failing is how you learn.

One of my favorite pieces of advice, I heard over a podcast. “Just go out there, and get burned.” Basically, go fail, and don’t be afraid of it, just learn everything you can from the experience. That’s how you grow. That is how you find yourself. This doesn’t always mean that you will succeed at everything, but that’s okay, sometimes you just learn what you are not meant to do. (At least not very well anyways.)

I played the viola for five years, before high school. I was terrible at it, but I tried. Every year they held the All City Orchestra concert, for all the schools’ orchestra classes to get together, and play a whole set. We all auditioned for what chair we got, out of the entire city. I would spend about 15 minutes, torturing the ears of our teachers, with sweaty, shaky hands, and I ALWAYS got close to last chair. I hated this. Most of my class would get seated near the front; some even got first chair, but I was always surrounded by kids from the other schools, in the back. I did this every year, and then I decided I should stop. I had tried, and I had failed. I just wasn’t meant to play an instrument. So I quit, and started putting more effort into other things that I was better at. BUT, I still get to say I played orchestra, and I learned so many things from it.

I guess sometimes failing is fun.

So go! Fail! See what it gives you, that you didn’t have before!

-DB

Wait.. It's July??

Wait.. It's July??

Shit I Think About In Interviews.

Shit I Think About In Interviews.